"Basically, everyone who goes to Princeton is so happy that they could almost pee their pants, Cornell’s food either sucks or doesn’t suck, the Yale Daily News is the shit, Widener Library pwns the hell out of Butler, and Brown’s just chillin’. But wait, there’s more! I found some charming student testimonials in the back of the guide, and it looks like Columbia wins (or loses) by default. Okay, CU was the only Ivy mentioned, but Jesus are we Columbia (and Barnard) kids bitter: “Columbia is like a fruit truck. It picks up varied exotic fruits and deposits them rotten at their destination.” –Paul L."
